1. |
sombre
03:37
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I’m losing sight of who I am
I can’t articulate my fears
Constantly trying to escape
What makes others satisfied
Is it my pride is it my pain
Is it my fear of death or worse
My fear of being forgotten
That prevents me from living, well
You think I’m faking you tell me
How to appreciate this shit
If my hearts constantly believes
I’m about to jump off the ship
I sense disaster and I flinch
I feel so tense everything aches
And like an animal I twitch
Out of fears I don’t understand
I can’t fucking breathe
I can’t hear your words
I can only scream tonight
If this is reality I don't mind
Giving up the fight
I can’t fucking breathe
I can’t hear your words
I can only drink tonight
If this is reality I don't mind
Giving up the fight
My isolation like a drug
Makes me irrelevant and weak
My thoughts don’t make sense anymore
All I can comprehend is bleak
It’s like a glasswall between me
And all of those who used to care
And now I scream within my heart
But they can no longer hear me
The worst is that I used to care
My frustration brings me to tears
As I wall myself off a bit more
And dream of all that could have been
I can’t fucking breathe
I can’t hear your words
I can only scream tonight
If this is reality I don't mind
Giving up the fight
I can’t fucking breathe
I can’t hear your words
Everything turns to white
If this is reality I don't mind
Letting go tonight
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2. |
sense
03:21
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Waking up again
Everything that I’ve known has become fear and pain
Everything that is normal is becoming my chains
Thinking about tomorrow makes me feel ill again
Suffocate in my skin but that is what I get
Asphyxiate in my heart, but this is my pain
Regret and nostalgia makes me reconsider
Thinking bout tomorrow is making me bitter
It’s been so long I’m here It’s been like forever
Yeah it’s only been days why do I feel so old
I wanna go home but I don’t know what home is
I wanna go home but I forgot who home is
I can’t help but thinking I created this mess
One minute we’re happy next is fucking chaos
Not looking for pity I’m the one who’s sorry
I thought I’d fix it all I just spread the pieces
So now I barely sleep I’m just waiting at night
Bittersweet memories haunting me as I write
Yes there’s always an out it’s just that I’m concerned
Starting to realise there’s always a problem
Starting to comprehend that I am the problem
Starting to come to terms with how low I’ve fallen
Having time to reflect has allowed me to see
To understand I’ve been the monster all that time
I don’t wanna lose you don’t want to lose a thing
But then again maybe want to lose everything
Nothing at all makes sense, so why not kill the pain
Numbing who I’ve become and starting all again
Don’t know how long I can keep that mask on my face
Don’t know how long I can go on without a heart
I’m special I don’t care if all my life I hurt
Bullshit I told myself cause I didn’t have a place.
Hating to be normal and hating it again
Hating the normal for not feeling the pain
I’m trembling in the shadows knowing I was wrong
I’m shaking in my bed and I’ll never belong
Here
I’ll never belong here
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3. |
somewhere else
03:35
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I just don’t care
I just
Just don’t feel anything most of the time
Or I wanna disappear
It’s no that I wanna die
It’s just that I take no pleasure in living
I just don’t care
Don’t care
I just don’t care
I just don’t feel anything most of the time
It’s no that I wanna die
I just
Don’t care
I don’t care
At all
I can’t
I can’t feel it
It would all end tomorrow I couldn’t feel it
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4. |
shore
03:56
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I don't wanna hurt you again I'm sorry
I don't wanna do this again you know me
I'll just go away like I do and pretend
Pretend it's OK pretend it's the end
Pretend I'm cool with throwing my feelings away like I didn't care anyway
Like I told you before it's better for you
It's fairer for you I don't care what I think
It's the right thing for you and in time I shall heal
I wasn't right for you but you made me feel
And every day it hurts just a little bit more
Knowing that sometime soon I'd have to hurt you more
Yea I can't breathe right now but what matters to me now is that you're alright
And you do it the way that you've always wanted
We both knew I was not what you expected
I was like a dream, your fantasy in black
Yea I look good but I am unrealistic and you know it
So I'll go away now
But you know it
I'll keep loving you
Keep looking after you
And keep checking on you
Like a ghost from your past
Your fantasy in black
It's not like I didn't want
To make this happen
Three years I tried to believe in your light
You were so fucking bright
You were the lightest thing
I think I envied you in the end
I wanted to be you but I was miserable
I was me and I was so fucking proud of it
I was full of myself thinking I was better
That being the sad fuck I was was worth more than your happiness
I probably fucked up I probably killed it
I just couldn't believe that something like you
Could have happened to me
So I stand by this shore and I know it's all gone
I remember standing right here a year ago
You were there by my side the colours were different
The air was more vibrant everything was lighter
And now It's like the sky forever shut down on me
You were like the sky you were better than me
While I kept hurting you you were smiling at me
And I am like this shore beautiful and tragic
Sad as shit
And alone
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5. |
so
04:36
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So my body is broken
I’m feeling like a weight
Every word punching holes
In my fragile friendships
Another day is dying
I’m sitting in my room
Trying as hard as I can
Not to just disappear
My memories are fading
Like the life of another
That I’ve been borrowing
Waiting for mine to start
And I’m longing for times
I’m not sure anymore
Actually existed
Or actually matters
So my body is broken
I’m ashamed of my feelings
I don’t wanna turn back
At the end of the road
The colours of the past
Bleeding into my eyes
The pictures are fading
I am no longer me
I am sinking so low
Not reaching the sea floor
Going deeper and more
In the airless ocean
I am dislocated
I’m finished I am done
I did give it a try
Tomorrow will not come
I’m lying down awake
Forgetting to exist
Watching life happening
From my bedroom window
When did I get so low
I swear I have regrets
But all the oxygen
Won’t allow me to breathe
So my body is broken
I’m ashamed of my feelings
I don’t wanna turn back
At the end of the road
The colours of the past
Bleeding into my eyes
The pictures are fading
I am no longer me
I am sinking so low
Not reaching the sea floor
Going deeper and more
In the airless ocean
I am dislocated
I’m finished I am done
I did give it a try
Tomorrow will not come
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6. |
sea
05:20
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I feel so fucking low
So fucking low
I can see and read disappointment on their face, in their voice
I’m not fit, I can’t take it
I wanna disappear, get lost,
Lose consciousness, forget it all, forget it
So this been my life for I don’t remember how long
You circle around me telling me how I’m wrong
Telling me how I’m weak
Telling me how it’s wrong to feel like that
Because well everyone feels like that
Because everyone is sad like that
Because everyone hates it all
Once in a while
But they go on with their life
They man up and live their life
So I should try to live my life
And stop tryna have my way
But I don’t know another way
And I have to silence my thoughts
I have to bury my ghosts
That try to sink me everyday
What would happen if I’d choose
Not to wake up anymore
What would happen if I’d just
Decide this is too much
What if I’m not interested anymore
What if your words of guilt and shame
Just don’t reach me anymore
What more can you do, If I decide
This is it for me, this is where I stop
If I choose to sit down and wait
On the station on my own
For my own personal train to come and take me home
What if all the grind and the pressure,
And the never-ending pain suddenly doesn’t do it for me
Even if that’s what you do, even if that’s how it works,
Even if that’s how life is?
Have you considered that I know that’s how life is and I don’t want it anymore?
What if you can't change my mind this time
What if there's no cheering up this time
And if you think that after all there is still time
You don’t get it you never got it it’s fine
What if I just wanna rest
What If I’m just really tired
What if I lost interest
I no longer feel inspired
What would happen if I stop
What would happen if I scream
What would happen if I lose
What would happen if they win
What would happen if I’m beat
What would happen if I’m numb
What would happen if I can’t
What would happen if I’m done
What would happen if I go
What would happen if I leave
I don’t know why I just know
This is what makes sense to me
It’s you and me
(You and me)
But is it really what you wanted it to be
(I’m sorry)
I know I haven’t been there
I’m sorry
I know it’s hard to understand
I’m sorry
I know you won’t get it but
It’s you and me
(You and me)
I know it’s not what you wanted it to be
But the noise is killing me
I know you can’t come with me
But all I can take is the sea
What would happen if I’d just walk right into the sea
With my headphones on, music loud and eyes shut
Forgetting to breathe, forgetting it all
What would happen?
I could try and be happy,
Or at least pretend to be,
Make an effort, look on the brightside
But all I see is noise
All I feel is tears
All I want is gone
Leave me alone
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