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sea

by grabyourface

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1.
sombre 03:37
I’m losing sight of who I am I can’t articulate my fears Constantly trying to escape What makes others satisfied Is it my pride is it my pain Is it my fear of death or worse My fear of being forgotten That prevents me from living, well You think I’m faking you tell me How to appreciate this shit If my hearts constantly believes I’m about to jump off the ship I sense disaster and I flinch I feel so tense everything aches And like an animal I twitch Out of fears I don’t understand I can’t fucking breathe I can’t hear your words I can only scream tonight If this is reality I don't mind Giving up the fight I can’t fucking breathe I can’t hear your words I can only drink tonight If this is reality I don't mind Giving up the fight My isolation like a drug Makes me irrelevant and weak My thoughts don’t make sense anymore All I can comprehend is bleak It’s like a glasswall between me And all of those who used to care And now I scream within my heart But they can no longer hear me The worst is that I used to care My frustration brings me to tears As I wall myself off a bit more And dream of all that could have been I can’t fucking breathe I can’t hear your words I can only scream tonight If this is reality I don't mind Giving up the fight I can’t fucking breathe I can’t hear your words Everything turns to white If this is reality I don't mind Letting go tonight
2.
sense 03:21
Waking up again Everything that I’ve known has become fear and pain Everything that is normal is becoming my chains Thinking about tomorrow makes me feel ill again Suffocate in my skin but that is what I get Asphyxiate in my heart, but this is my pain Regret and nostalgia makes me reconsider Thinking bout tomorrow is making me bitter It’s been so long I’m here It’s been like forever Yeah it’s only been days why do I feel so old I wanna go home but I don’t know what home is I wanna go home but I forgot who home is I can’t help but thinking I created this mess One minute we’re happy next is fucking chaos Not looking for pity I’m the one who’s sorry I thought I’d fix it all I just spread the pieces So now I barely sleep I’m just waiting at night Bittersweet memories haunting me as I write Yes there’s always an out it’s just that I’m concerned Starting to realise there’s always a problem Starting to comprehend that I am the problem Starting to come to terms with how low I’ve fallen Having time to reflect has allowed me to see To understand I’ve been the monster all that time I don’t wanna lose you don’t want to lose a thing But then again maybe want to lose everything Nothing at all makes sense, so why not kill the pain Numbing who I’ve become and starting all again Don’t know how long I can keep that mask on my face Don’t know how long I can go on without a heart I’m special I don’t care if all my life I hurt Bullshit I told myself cause I didn’t have a place. Hating to be normal and hating it again Hating the normal for not feeling the pain I’m trembling in the shadows knowing I was wrong I’m shaking in my bed and I’ll never belong Here I’ll never belong here
3.
I just don’t care I just Just don’t feel anything most of the time Or I wanna disappear It’s no that I wanna die It’s just that I take no pleasure in living I just don’t care Don’t care I just don’t care I just don’t feel anything most of the time It’s no that I wanna die I just Don’t care I don’t care At all I can’t I can’t feel it It would all end tomorrow I couldn’t feel it
4.
shore 03:56
I don't wanna hurt you again I'm sorry I don't wanna do this again you know me I'll just go away like I do and pretend Pretend it's OK pretend it's the end Pretend I'm cool with throwing my feelings away like I didn't care anyway Like I told you before it's better for you It's fairer for you I don't care what I think It's the right thing for you and in time I shall heal I wasn't right for you but you made me feel And every day it hurts just a little bit more Knowing that sometime soon I'd have to hurt you more Yea I can't breathe right now but what matters to me now is that you're alright And you do it the way that you've always wanted We both knew I was not what you expected I was like a dream, your fantasy in black Yea I look good but I am unrealistic and you know it So I'll go away now But you know it I'll keep loving you Keep looking after you And keep checking on you Like a ghost from your past Your fantasy in black It's not like I didn't want To make this happen Three years I tried to believe in your light You were so fucking bright You were the lightest thing I think I envied you in the end I wanted to be you but I was miserable I was me and I was so fucking proud of it I was full of myself thinking I was better That being the sad fuck I was was worth more than your happiness I probably fucked up I probably killed it I just couldn't believe that something like you Could have happened to me So I stand by this shore and I know it's all gone I remember standing right here a year ago You were there by my side the colours were different The air was more vibrant everything was lighter And now It's like the sky forever shut down on me You were like the sky you were better than me While I kept hurting you you were smiling at me And I am like this shore beautiful and tragic Sad as shit And alone
5.
so 04:36
So my body is broken I’m feeling like a weight Every word punching holes In my fragile friendships Another day is dying I’m sitting in my room Trying as hard as I can Not to just disappear My memories are fading Like the life of another That I’ve been borrowing Waiting for mine to start And I’m longing for times I’m not sure anymore Actually existed Or actually matters So my body is broken I’m ashamed of my feelings I don’t wanna turn back At the end of the road The colours of the past Bleeding into my eyes The pictures are fading I am no longer me I am sinking so low Not reaching the sea floor Going deeper and more In the airless ocean I am dislocated I’m finished I am done I did give it a try Tomorrow will not come I’m lying down awake Forgetting to exist Watching life happening From my bedroom window When did I get so low I swear I have regrets But all the oxygen Won’t allow me to breathe So my body is broken I’m ashamed of my feelings I don’t wanna turn back At the end of the road The colours of the past Bleeding into my eyes The pictures are fading I am no longer me I am sinking so low Not reaching the sea floor Going deeper and more In the airless ocean I am dislocated I’m finished I am done I did give it a try Tomorrow will not come
6.
sea 05:20
I feel so fucking low So fucking low I can see and read disappointment on their face, in their voice I’m not fit, I can’t take it I wanna disappear, get lost, Lose consciousness, forget it all, forget it So this been my life for I don’t remember how long You circle around me telling me how I’m wrong Telling me how I’m weak Telling me how it’s wrong to feel like that Because well everyone feels like that Because everyone is sad like that Because everyone hates it all Once in a while But they go on with their life They man up and live their life So I should try to live my life And stop tryna have my way But I don’t know another way And I have to silence my thoughts I have to bury my ghosts That try to sink me everyday What would happen if I’d choose Not to wake up anymore What would happen if I’d just Decide this is too much What if I’m not interested anymore What if your words of guilt and shame Just don’t reach me anymore What more can you do, If I decide This is it for me, this is where I stop If I choose to sit down and wait On the station on my own For my own personal train to come and take me home What if all the grind and the pressure, And the never-ending pain suddenly doesn’t do it for me Even if that’s what you do, even if that’s how it works, Even if that’s how life is? Have you considered that I know that’s how life is and I don’t want it anymore? What if you can't change my mind this time What if there's no cheering up this time And if you think that after all there is still time You don’t get it you never got it it’s fine What if I just wanna rest What If I’m just really tired What if I lost interest I no longer feel inspired What would happen if I stop What would happen if I scream What would happen if I lose What would happen if they win What would happen if I’m beat What would happen if I’m numb What would happen if I can’t What would happen if I’m done What would happen if I go What would happen if I leave I don’t know why I just know This is what makes sense to me It’s you and me (You and me) But is it really what you wanted it to be (I’m sorry) I know I haven’t been there I’m sorry I know it’s hard to understand I’m sorry I know you won’t get it but It’s you and me (You and me) I know it’s not what you wanted it to be But the noise is killing me I know you can’t come with me But all I can take is the sea What would happen if I’d just walk right into the sea With my headphones on, music loud and eyes shut Forgetting to breathe, forgetting it all What would happen? I could try and be happy, Or at least pretend to be, Make an effort, look on the brightside But all I see is noise All I feel is tears All I want is gone Leave me alone

about

About:

A collection of songs about giving up to the noise in my head and walking right into the sea. To silence it all, at last.


Thanks:

This album is the product of fucked up shit that happened, but I will not thank that for happening. At all.

Instead, I'll thank my mom. For always being there, supporting me 100%, being the first to listen to new songs, and helping me get up when I fall. Thank you, I love you so much.

Thanks to my Irish ladies, you guys have been my test subjects for so many songs, thanks for putting up with the "bullshit artist" I can be. Love yas.

Thank you Gom for helping make this album what it was supposed to be, without you it would really not be the same level of epicness.

Thank you Dion for your relentless support, you pushed me and helped me through this in ways you can't imagine.

Thank you Negative Gain Productions for believing in me. I am so grateful I've met such amazing people.

credits

released December 18, 2020

All music and lyrics and some of the mixing by grabyourface (Marie Lando)
Mixing and Mastering by Gom Pilote (Unspkble, Between the Zones, Londead, Animal)

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grabyourface France

Cold industrial-wave lowlife.
Too soft to fight.
So angry though.

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